masquerade
masquerade, paper faces of parade
masquerade, hide ur face so the world will never find you..
-the phantom of the opera-
wad reason is there for depression.. wad reason is there for tears..
was the wine the reason? or was the wine the result of the reason..
or was it not reason but reasons...
as all falter and fall.. i am but human..
pride hides emotions before people.. like paper faces do..
but the tears silently fall after they are gone..
does it still hold true? can i still believe?
if it does please teach me how to feel it.. for i yearn to feel it now..
yet i fear it does not.. as i noe it will turn out one day..
but it's too soon.. juz too soon..
forgive this late entrant in the realm..
i noe not how to be.. i noe not wad to say..
forgive my rationality.. or my self perceived independence..
for my mind often triumphs over my heart..
until i realise my vulnerability at last..
when my words turn into those of jealously and viciousness..
when my actions of concern become redundant.. for more happiness can be derived elsewhere..
i will back off as i did.. for i have no right..
i can only adapt and accept.. that relationships change..
when words are spoken but actions not felt..
be glad that at least words are spoken..
be glad that happiness is felt by someone else..
relativity is fearful.. as expectations are..
wad is contentment.. and can one ever understand it?
without information.. can people judge? wad will people say?
an experiment..
wad am i waiting for now? a contact? an answer? or the person behind the mask?
last day of freedom
today marks another last day of freedom.. after which i noe i will be bound by the knowledge of my results.. perhaps coz people see who u are through ur results.. perhaps coz i see myself through my results.. although i totally understand the problems of a result orientated education system.. but it's juz perfectionist rebecca and her expectations i guess.. somehow i get identified or named after my CAP score by frens, by acquaintances and more interestingly, by plain strangers..
it was rumoured that the results are already out.. for some people.. i remained calm and composed.. and when asked if i'll check it out today.. i plainly said "not interested".. haha.. ok maybe i'm not being too honest here.. but really there isn't any temptation for me to go onto NUS website, sit through the waiting process, type in my matric no and password, and sit through another waiting process without being sure that the results will pop out at me.. and i don't see why i should sit through the suspense being uncertain, risking another time of torturous moments.. seriously this whole process is not suitable for those with weak heart.. haha.. and i have no intention of shortening my days of freedom.. not yet.. haha.. and hi frens.. if i neva volunteered my results.. juz don't ask me.. and never ever probe.. be a true fren.. thx.. haha.. =)
oh gotta update abt my new found poor poor paying internship.. and now i finally realise wad benefit that guy gets out of being so nice.. basically he gets cheap labour.. i mean really cheap one.. i'm being paid S$600 a month! right.. it's not salary.. it's allowance which i'm not too sure whether it can even cover my daily meals and transporation.. starting next mon 5 day week 8.45am - 5.30pm.. the only attractive thing is prob the attractive job scope and experience involved.. and the feeling of working in shenton way.. oh well i'll only be working for one and a half months.. having foc smacked right in the middle.. hopefully i can take leave?? haha.. i'll negotiate and see how it goes..
on a more serious note.. our dear joan has gone back home with the Lord.. i'm glad that it sounds like her family and frens are coping alright.. and i'm sure her story and spirit will forever remain in our hearts.. and may this true fighter find peace in the beautiful world beside Him..
these days...
too lazy to think of some title which is more creative.. oh well.. a recount of these couple of days.. after being somewhat philosophical thinking abt stuff, i sank into a state of depression as all philosophers do inevitably.. but fortunately i managed to get out of it soon after.. perhaps coz of the splurging and the excessive shopping i've been doing these days.. haha.. and the great singapore sale is not even here yet!
don't blame me.. blame school work and stuff.. coz it's been almost half a year since i did real shopping.. i feel like changing my whole closet of clothes to sth newer.. haha ok maybe that's an exaggeration.. but i really have clothes that are 5-8 yrs old.. and the problem with clothes as with shoes are that there is no reason for me to discard them if they are in perfect working condition.. not broken or torn or too small.. and so the clothes get more and more as my closet space gets lesser and lesser.. but the problem is i would not wear them anymore coz they somehow are not suitable for me anymore.. haha.. my happy problem.. =)
and my greatest prize today is (ironically) a wallet.. because i love it too much! tired of whipping out my wallet and people starting to ask how long i've been using it or when was the last time i washed it.. haha.. rite so that's a hint to me that it's time to change this 5 yr old wallet..
watched the long awaited da vinci code movie with yh yest.. wad can i say abt the show.. hmm disappointed? i already lowered my expectations, considering how much can be done from a book with such excellent plot.. but perhaps the book was too ingenious to be outdone.. the funniest thing was yh's comment on the one-emotion acting of the female lead.. haha.. but tom hanks' acting is still very commendable.. as always..
went to the dentist today.. finally.. i haven't visited a dentist since i took off my braces.. oh wow that's really long.. had an x ray, had my teeth cleaned, had my wisdom teeth in check.. it's quite an alarming visit though.. when the dentist said that i have a hole in my tooth i was shocked.. seriously.. i mean it's embarrassing to have a tooth decay at my age.. but then he mentioned that it was prob coz of the weakness in the structure of the tooth.. coz anyway it's at the top of the tooth.. din noe why my previous dentist sealed my molars but din seal that one in front.. sigh.. and i was even more shocked to hear that the filling needs a local anesthetic.. which sounds super serious now.. but the worst part was his mentioning of removing both my wisdom tooth on the top right and bottom right.. and the bottom ones involve some sort of surgery.. and 'removing a bit of bone'.. right.. it sounds painful... oh well think i'll start worrying when i'm nearing my operation..
while waiting for the dentist i called up the guy i met at the alumni homecoming.. for internship.. i noe it sounds like a weird time to call.. haha.. not too sure whether i got the 'job' yet.. but he sounds as if he was describing some job scope to me on the phone.. mentioning a group of student leaders coming from hk city university.. (hey hkust organise one also leh.. haha..) and i'm supposed to help him out in such activities.. but this really sounds too good to be true.. i mean wad does he get out of giving me an internship.. without any interview or showing him any credentials.. hmmmmm.. i'll noe soon.. talking details over lunch wif him tmr.. haha..
drinking, gambling and jay walking
met up wif my jc og mates.. it has really been such a long while since we held a gathering.. half a year or more.. a big thank you to pinchuan for organising.. and taking into account my schedule and changing it so many times such that i could make it.. =)
it feels so comfortable to see everyone again.. seemingly the same as the first time we met 4 years ago? haha.. that sounds long.. (btw 2 of them were my primary school mates.. and speaking abt the times then really reminds me how time flies..) the looks, the wit, and the humour.. nothing much has changed..
perhaps only the choice of drinks... haha.. entering c.a.n. cafe after our dinner @ v8, looking at the menu.. all of us decided to order alcoholic drinks.. afterall, the place seemed so much like a pub.. such that i couldn't resist the temptation to make it be a chance to recollect the moments i wish never to forget.. long island tea like before, hoping to bring back some sort of memory.. and trust alvin and youwei to keep us entertained gambling with each other to win enough money to buy a tequila shot for $4.80.. it was hilarious.. haha.. as more of us joined in and the game changed from poker to blackjack, neither of them managed to earn enough to achieve their goal.. and the money seemed to flow from the 'poor' to the 'rich'.. haha.. i started off with 60 cents and ended with the same amount.. really not worth my effort.. haha but it was lots of fun.. drinking and gambling.. hmm this sounds wrong actually.. vices! haha..
and jay walking.. sensitive issue for me.. haha.. esp when we were at the bugis area.. i refused to jay walk across the road coz of my (ahem) unlucky encounter.. paranoid.. so the whole group of us decided to be super good citizens and walked all the way searching for a traffic light to cross the road and then walk back to our destination.. haha.. it's actually for our own good.. but an advice to all.. the next time u decide to jay walk, other than checking for cars which is super super impt, remember to look opposite the road for suspicious characters (ironical.. haha.. )who look like the traffic police.. pls don't get caught! haha..
*
on another note.. while i was typing this.. as usual doing my multi tasking act, i was watching singapore idol.. and i saw the nus business school advert on tv! (interestingly as i was reading prof quek's entry on the bba blog with regard to it) biz school is rich.. haha.. check it out pple!
work and 'play'
i've been working for the past 2 days.. earning a grand total of $117.. at least i'm bringing in some income to supplement my shopping expenses.. (great singapore sale is coming! haha..)
::work::
fri was helping out in the business alumni homecoming for the man of letters musical from 9am to 11pm.. super shag after that.. but it was good money coz we were a super efficient group of pple when it comes to packing of goodie bags, hence we were paid for the free time to ourselves too.. hee.. though my arms are still aching from transporting the cartons of coffee..
after which i was actually arrowed into a job of 'entertaining' the corporate partners of biz school.. which are supposedly the super big shots who have links with the school itself.. and my job description was 'to make small talks with them'.. frankly i'm not a person who is good at words.. esp when it comes to conversing with business people at functions.. luckily the incentive of my position is also that i get paid $8/hr to watch the musical for free! so i din feel that annoyed abt it.. haha..
i did make conversation with this guy who seemed alone at the function quite early.. (or more like he started the conversation with me..) i was rather uptight at first.. coz i knew he was our corporate partner and some big shot from some company.. certain questions he asked i somehow juz stunned there.. like why din u choose smu .. haha.. direct eh.. but these answers i haven't really practiced since open house.. or wad do u want to go into when u graduate.. after which i think i was thrown once again into uncertainty of the direction in my life.. but the conversation started to liven up when i was curious and wanted to know the difference in employability of students from smu and nus from his perpective.. *ahem.. and the contents shall not be revealed.. but i did learn a lot from it.. and i still believe it boils down to understanding wad one really wants, searching and obtaining wad is lacking to achieve it.. and the best part.. hopefully internship opportunities! haha.. (it's still interesting how he judged from my looks that i somehow don't belong to nus biz)
::play::
i watched the 'play', 'man of letters' by dick lee.. a simple yet beautiful musical which inspires me to think.. abt whether the sacrifices of revolution are fools or martyrs.. abt the courage to love and to make known ur love, and courage to let go.. i cried towards the end.. partially coz of the character in the show, partially coz of the things running through my mind.. somehow it relates.. and the sadness recalled..
i loved the song 'there's no such thing' when the female lead was speaking of her prospective boyfriend.. and was losing the confidence for him to even exist.. maybe he's a tale, perhaps there's no such thing'.. it reminded me of how i once felt.. she seemed to have sung my story.. my favourite scene was the one at the balcony.. the words he spoke and the songs he sung to her were so beautiful.. so romantic.. it melted my heart.. yet the pain of giving up his love for the loyalty to a fren.. or perhaps due to his hesistance to admit his love for her.. i started tearing when he was writing his last letter to her in the name of his fren.. i somehow could feel his misery and sorrow.. yet his hidden passion for her.. it ended with a happy ending.. but it still depressed me.. it got me thinking.. thinking abt things i know was never within my control and never will be.. i feel helpless and vulnerable.. my independence was lost..
::work::
yest was working for the school with regard to the freshman reception tea.. helping in the tea reception for the prospective freshman of biz school.. my juniors haha.. first is to persuade them to come to nus if they have not decided yet.. and second to persuade them to go for the freshman orientation camp.. which i strongly recommend coz of the fun! haha.. actually most of the time i did filming of the event.. tiring for the hands but not for the mind.. hee.. did talk to some of them around.. and i'm really looking forward to a batch of juniors! haha..
get to know yourself better
seems like this is a highly accurate test for me.. thx peg for the link..
Your view on yourself: (very accurate)
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: (very accurate)
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship: (very accurate.. but prob not wad i'm doing now..)
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love: (very accurate)
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education: (not so true actually.. haha)
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you: (very accurate for risk averse me)
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success: (quite accurate)
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of: (accurate)
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self: (very accurate)
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
for those who are free.. give it a try! http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
異國戀情
我不知我如何如此瀟灑的離去.. 或許是對科技那份無畏的信任.. 我似乎知道﹐當日的離別﹐雖然意味著即將分隔兩地﹐卻並代表我們之間將會失去聯絡.. 我深深相信友誼將會延續﹐成為永恆..
我一向相信緣份.. 卻沒有想到冥冥中的安排﹐可以如此奇妙.. 就當我快要對一見鐘情的可能失去信心之時﹐似乎在迪斯尼那燦爛奪目的煙火之下許下的願望將近實現.. 我從未試過許下愛情的願望﹐或許是因為我對愛情的那份理性與驕傲.. 我從不努力爭取或過於執著.. 但在那洋溢著單純愛情的氣氛下﹐我不得不暗暗希望美麗童話終究將會成真..
我不敢輕言愛情﹐更無可否認我對這一段情感的迅速發展有所害怕.. 畢竟我們相處的時間沒有超過24小時.. 何為愛情﹐我沒有真正體驗過﹐甚至根本沒有真正的了解.. 而要我在那沒有堅固基礎的情感上建立一份跨國的關係﹐我真的不知到是否可能.. 憑著我的堅強﹐我可以把它當成一種過渡的好感.. 容易隨著時間逐漸煙消雲散..
然而﹐我又害怕我的放手﹐是捨棄一份難能可貴的緣份.. 要知道在如此短暫的相處時間之下﹐彼此之間擁有那種似曾相識的感覺﹐如此舒服﹐如此快樂﹐是多麼值得珍惜.. 沒有我的這番話﹐或許他永遠不會知道我的心意.. 因為我不敢承諾﹐更不願自私的要求他的承諾.. 但我選擇明示﹐是想回復他的情義﹐感謝他在那短暫的時間裡給予我的快樂..
我喜歡他的羞澀與掩飾.. 對待一個他知道可能失去的對象﹐他卻不過份積極.. 若他因為害怕失去而過份直接﹐我能夠理解﹔但他的顧慮與猶豫﹐我非常欣賞.. 至少那意味著他對我的尊重.. 因為對我而言﹐我接受不了比現在更加迅速的發展.. (我最害怕的﹐或許就是男人的圓滑與花言巧語..) 我更加感謝他的關心.. 離別那夜/凌晨的不捨雖然浸在不言中﹐我卻看在眼裡﹐甜在心裡..
我曾經認為這是天意弄人﹐可惜這份感情在地理與時間上的阻礙.. 或許少了那些隔閡﹐這份情感將會超越友誼.. 不過我仍然十分慶幸擁有這段緣份﹐和那煙火般短暫卻美麗的甜蜜.. 我相信感情需要時間的考驗﹐才能堅定.. 以後的發展將會如何﹐我不敢斷言.. 但我深信﹐在友誼基礎上建立的關係﹐最少也會以永恆的友誼作為結束.. 而對我而言﹐那已經足夠了..
hong kong trip
uncertain of wad to expect, unsure of wad is in store, i embarked on a 6 day 5 night academic trip organised by biz school to hongkong on the 8th.. to me it was juz an opportunity to get away from the country after the long and tiring exams..
hongkong has always been a place i loved.. attribute it to the countless hk drama serials i watch.. haha.. the atmosphere admist the colourful billboards and neon lights with the vibrant night life.. the must see hongkong skyline.. and the view from the peak.. i never seem to get sick of all that.. but i din noe how different this would be..
*** my double life *************************
I choose to call it double life.. because it seems as if i'm living twice the time i'm usually awake.. haha that means i suffer from a severe lack of sleep over there.. definitely.. my average sleeping time is 4 hours.. but having a lack of sleep means that i'm doing something i value more than sleep.. which is cool coz as always.. sleep is super impt to me.. but i juz couldn't miss out of the fun over there.. hence the usual schedule is 9am to 5pm of work stuff.. and 5pm till late is play.. haha..
*** highlights ******************************
1. Bloomberg HK. let's talk abt work first.. haha.. so first on my list is my dream company.. it was our first company visit in which i was totally impressed by the dynamism of the company and their live news broadcasting studio.. haha.. (trust that that'll interest me..) had a great time there looking around and acting professional.. of course their job scope seem to interest me a lot.. hmm..
2. Hong Kong Monetary Authority (HKMA). another impressive place we visited.. where we were taught abt the history and the hk currency.. as usual.. people get happy when they see money around.. haha joking.. but the view from the tallest building in hk island was juz fantastic.. though the fog was a little disappointing..
3. Hong Kong University of Science and Technology (HKUST). the name is enough! the first university we visited in our schedule.. proclaimed having the best biz school in hk.. i'm so tempted to go there for exchange (and it's available!) because the students there just click so well with us as if we were long lost frens.. and never forgetting the breath taking view.. if biz had a library with the seaview and overlooking islands.. u'll see me there probably everyday.. not mugging but juz staring at the wonderful view.. *jealous..
their hospitality amazed me.. almost the whole of their BSU skipped lessons to host us.. to think that their exams are round the corner.. i was really touched.. and they are super fun, happening and fabulous people! oh and i met my hongkong counterpart there.. haha.. a super funny and interesting guy whom i realised i was fighting with for the best angle to take photos of the activities.. haha.. got their publication from that side.. hence my motivation to cover hk trip in BZ mag such that we could send them a copy too.. =)
4. Hong Kong Skyline. the view from kowloon to hk island is beautiful.. i love it as always.. a muz go everytime i visit hk.. hee.. juz merely sitting there silently.. looking at the buildings of lights and colours across the river.. with those romantic music playing in the background.. one of the top in the best dating places list.. haha.. it’s also a perfect atmosphere to reflect upon life or merely doing nothing or feeling sentimental..
5. the peak. overseeing the high rise buildings and the habour of hk.. self explanatory! though i’m a little afraid of heights and the 2.8km walk on heels wasn’t exactly very comfortable, the view takes my breath away.. also top on the list for best dating places! haha.. not to mention that i met my bro’s friend (also my fren i guess) whom i haven’t seen for 5 years.. when i heard my bro was meeting him i insisted on following.. and my insistence paid off catching up with whom seemed like an old fren.. and i enjoyed talking and taking photos with him.. haha.. (he speaks perfect English with a British accent.. trust the hk lawyers.. haha.. but i loved listening to it..)
6. the streets, the food and the shopping. temple street.. the streets of mongkok, Nathan road, causeway bay, etc exudes the air of hong kong as a whole.. and i din really eat a lot of food or do a lot of shopping as the familiar hk promotion campaign goes.. but i loved juz walking down the streets to feel hk..
7. HK disneyland. no matter how much negative feedback i got abt disneyland.. i was determined to go pay a visit.. never wavered.. even when i was prepared to get disappointed.. i still insisted on a trip there.. don’t ask me why.. perhaps due to my low expectation.. i enjoyed myself there and i was glad that i went.. it was a place which relived my childhood dreams and magic.. which brought out the child in me once again.. i think i was like a kid at disney.. being fascinated by everything and posing with disney statues and characters.. haha.. of course it is much smaller than the ones in US or Japan.. and significantly lesser thrilling rides.. (they prob only have space mountain which is thrilling) but i loved the fireworks at the end.. it was not mere fireworks.. but it was fireworks telling a story.. and the grace and beauty of it can be felt together with the fantastic lighting, laser and music.. the thing abt hk disneyland is that it cannot be seen as a theme park.. enter with a heart and innocence of a child.. and it will be a place where fantasy and magic comes true..
8. lan gui fang. no doubt one of the highlights of this trip.. because for so many times i’ve been to hk, i’ve never been to LKF.. i was never a clubber.. but i love experiences.. and i like pubbing in a mild manner.. juz sitting there listening to music and drinking.. again my insistence on going there after disneyland (which was super tiring such that most of my frens wanted to give it a miss) paid off as i was immersed in the culture of hk.. we came to realize that the culture of hk and Singapore are rather similar.. even pubbing/clubbing culture.. haha.. i didn’t have a lot to drink.. but we did talk a bit and i watched people drink.. and there was the right company.. plus Wilson and Chris from HKUST who were happening enough to go clubbing with us.. haha.. who of course made use of the coasters at the pub to exchange (not phone numbers) but blog addresses.. hee.. it’s still in my possession now.. =) no doubt we had lots of fun juz talking and drinking.. and thanks to the HKUST guys who sent us back to our hostel.. after which they interestingly walked till 7am in the morning.. think they got lost.. oops.. to think that i freaked out when i realized after my shower that it was dawn already.. haha.. 6am..
*** the upside **********************************************
perhaps some may think that i brought back perhaps nothing more than a keychain from hk Disneyland.. contrary to wad many might end up after going to hk.. haha.. but i believe that i brought back much more.. the consolidation of old frenships through our drinking and bonding sessions.. the formation of new frenships in within our group as well as with the Hong Kong students.. the overdose of Chinese (history and literature), Canto and Hokkien.. haha.. the better understanding of myself, my feelings and my actions.. the experience of love, protection and concern..
*** the downside ******************************************
the zero internet connection and mobile service.. which i feel so handicapped without.. staying for five nights without the comfort of my room, my bed and my bathroom.. the severe lack of sleep.. the aftermath.. (writing for business leads, BZ mag, a report, and my blog!) hmm which means there’s work to do.. sigh..
*** the response ******************************************
many have asked casually how the trip was.. i couldn’t explain so much.. hence i juz gave them a word – happening! haha.. enjoyed myself totally.. and i am thankful to all those who made it so.. =)
my world becomes bigger
literally.. i can't believe i've been spending years staring at webpages displaying the "smallest" text.. to the extent that the faculties on the nus website is not visible for me to choose.. i always gotta remember biz is the 2nd one of the list.. hahaha..
thanks to my bro who come to my com, complain that the text was too small, then juz clicked a few times and solved my problem which has been there for years.. no exaggeration.. haha.. can't believe it..so suddenly my world becomes bigger.. and i feel more like a computer idiot..
spent my last two days happily ever after.. throwing away all my books.. went out wif myjrs immediately after exams and hk trip presentation.. i drove (yes i drove) to sin ming and we had cheese brownies there.. which was totally fattening but i couldn't care so much at that time.. and later we decided to have a quick dinner and had a spontaneous partyworld session till almost 1am.. 5 hrs of ktv straight.. and i can't believe we still couldn't finish our songs.. ok maybe that's actually normal for us.. hahaha.. i think all the rest have lost their voices.. considering how much we screamed and how high we were.. the reason i still have my voice now is coz i had a splitting headache towards the end and was half dead already.. haha but other than the map reading and being stressed out abt coupons and parking.. i enjoyed myself totally.. super good destresser for a post exam planning..
spent today.. or actually yest half at home.. doing hk trip presentation prep which ended up more like a holiday planning and tv session.. then after that i drove again to terence's chalet bday party @ safra successfully.. other than the little glitches here and there.. i had lots of unhealthy stuff to eat again.. chips and satay and otah mostly.. which once again i couldn't care less.. after hanging out there enjoying 'girl talks' wif some biz frens while asking the guys for more food.. haha.. i drove 5 others in my car (yes they managed to fit in amazingly) for supper.. roti prata! haha.. feel super fat now.. but oh well.. the losing weight part always has lower priority.. but it was good 'bonding' i would say.. the funny thing was my insistence to travel on ecp to go home from there.. which i noe now that pie is super much shorter.. but as risk averse rebecca is.. i would still insist on the sure way i noe.. everyone else gave up on suggesting pie to me.. thinking i'm juz some weird person.. heee..
but i had a great 2 days driving around.. a bit stressed coz i somehow juz want the car to get to my destination and its weird how the car becomes a burden immediately after.. gotta find a parking lot and put coupons and all.. my holiday resolution is to be more mobile.. though i seriously have zero sense of direction.. my memory on places and faces is super super poor.. but i've got all the time in the world now! hahahahaha.. happy..
but gotta prepare for hk trip presentation tmr.. it's a bit late but yes i'm going to prepare now.. the slides and the speech.. i'm gonna do a good job tmr! =) meanwhile bear with my recounts coz i really don't have time to write abt the insights these days..
