east and west
i would say that i grew up in a traditional asian family, but have been constantly exposed to western ways which singapore had been adopting over the years.. a question suddenly occured to me -- is my culture and ideology more east or west?it arose when i went out on a family dinner with an uncle whom i knew since childhood.. i give him a lot of respect because of his seniority in age over me, as we are taught in asian cultures.. this includes speaking with courtesy, standing up when you meet the person, addressing him immediately when he is present, accepting a toast with both hands, offering the toast first, showing face when bidding farewell, offering to help in anything if necessary, walking behind like a younger generation should.. it is almost second nature to me because i was brought up this way.. and i never really questioned it..
however, there were 3 instances that night which made me uncomfortable and kept me thinking.. once was when we first arrived and he opened the lift door and signaled for me to walk first, meaning that i was walking in front of him the whole way to the restaurant.. i had no idea why i felt weird, but i slowed my footsteps to make sure that i at least walked in parallel to him at the same pace.. it seemed like a given for guys of our age to do that to pass off as what we call "gentlemen", but for someone a generation older doing that just didn't feel right to me.. the second encounter was when my parent's friends came along during dinner and came around shaking hands.. i sat in my seat for a while, contemplating if i was supposed to stand up.. i remember a social ettiquete course teaching that if it is a guy shaking hands and you are a lady, you do not need up stand up to shake hands with him no matter his age.. but i didn't hesitate for long and decided to stand up to address him because i felt so disrespectful sitting in my seat.. the last incident was when we were at the car in which my uncle opened the car door for me first, closed the door for me when i went into the car before opening his own door.. at that point i was a little frantic and hesistant but the best thing to do was to get in and minimise the time he was holding the door for me..
gender or seniority.. i really don't know what it is now at this age and time and environment.. to me its always seniority which comes first so i made a conclusion for myself.. that was the reason why i felt out of place in certain circumstances which reigns gender over seniority.. but i respect him more for his priority on gender, and that is not to say that asians are not gentlemenly.. in fact it never struck me before that day but i think that the older generation of men have more under their sleeves in the terms of the book of gentlemenly acts.. and of course the virtues that have been lost with time.. this uncle of mine is known for always being early, not only on time, and never ever being late for anything.. i self admit that i could never acheive that level of zen though i have serious thought about reflecting and changing on my non existant sense of timing.. it is a virtue truly to be admired indeed..
rebec inspired @ 4:57 PM
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