still learning...
juz when u thot u've grown up and seen the world.. u realise that there is still so much in life to learn.. i've learnt more lessons for the past week..
my work has been as usual after my sick leave.. thurs, fri and mon.. nothing more exciting then interviewing pple and going for media interviews.. and having expensive lunches with big shots.. haha..
after which was the long awaited foc.. a mon-thurs camp.. i joined in only on mon night.. and had to leave on wed.. perhaps coz of the gap between me and the freshies coz i din join in at first.. perhaps i din put in the effort in the first place coz i was exceptionally tired.. or maybe coz i've changed roles to become a councillor instead of an on freshie juz having that drive to be enthusiastic.. it was different.. a feeling of nostalgia.. a feeling that i've outgrown this.. that i no longer belong to it.. no doubt sentosa was fun because it was always wad i thot was the highlight of the camp.. but it was not so much the games but more coz of the pple.. i noe most seniors who are there.. i'm familiar with the pple and culture.. i have frens there.. more importantly i've come to realise how much bizad has shaped my personality.. whether i like it or not..
i thank those who have given me words of concern when i most needed them.. the trauma made me so vulnerable i broke down without knowing why.. i dare not say that the accident changed my life.. but it has definitely woken me up to my priorities in life.. and of course it has taught me a most inexpensive lesson in life.. i am only grateful for the low cost of wad could have been cost me my life or the lives of others.. the most heartwarming words were those of gravity with concern, letting me understand that i'm but a 20 year old in this world.. still learning..
i remember the fifth of november
din really have time to pay a tribute to one of my favourite films - V for vendetta! i was very much affected for days by the film after i watched it.. thinking abt the issues brought up.. the age old issues of terrorism vs freedom fighters, the paradox of the methods used by govt and terrorist.. in the film perhaps V was the hero in our eyes.. i'd love to believe he was.. but his methods.. how different were they from the govt's attempt to create fear in pple? and one part i never could understand is how he was ever able to treat the one he loved in the way he did.. is it love to rid her of her fears? or to let her understand that an idea is more impt than life itself? and thinking abt wad other issues i never managed to pick up from the film..
some quotes i loved:
Evey: Remember, remember, the fifth of November, gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.
We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can becaught, he can be killed and forgotten. But four hundred years later an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas. I've seen people kill in the name of them; and die defending them. But you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. An idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love. And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man.
V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V
Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
V: I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence.
V: People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.
V: But again, if truth be told... if you are looking for the guilty, you need only look in the mirror.
V: A building is a symbol, as is the act of destroying it. Symbols are given power by people. A symbol, in and of itself is powerless, but with enough people behind it, blowing up a building can change the world.
V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea.. and ideas are bulletproof.
Evey: I don't want you to die.
V: That's the most beautiful thing you could have ever given me.
Finch: Who was he?
Evey: He was Edmond Dantés... and he was my father. And my mother... my brother... my friend. He was you... and me. He was all of us.
the academics of attraction
heard from yh that day.. thot it made a lot of sense.. the social psychology explaining attraction..
1. proximity
physical closeness is key to attraction.. when u see a person often.. the tendency to get attracted is higher.. but when space is ur enemy.. attraction will vanish..
tell me abt it.. i'm experienced..
2. similarity
according to academics.. the idea that opposites attract seem less convincing.. if 2 pple are more similar in thinking etc. it's easier for them to relate to each other..
3. reciprocity
when u noe that another person likes u, it is easier for u to do the same.. perhaps it's coz of the fear of rejection? perhaps it juz feels good when u feel valued.. oh well.. are we all not victims of the underestimation of this?
attraction.. relationships.. it's really confusing these days..
potent mixture
overdose of carbonara + cigarette smoke + carbon monoxide + insufficient sleep = a genuine sick leave
yupz hence perhaps there'll be lots of posts today.. since i'm quite free at home now.. i slept till afternoon today.. after deciding in the morn that i needed more rest.. din do much after that.. talked to a couple of pple online.. found out that xy is back!!! how exciting.. then finally settled down to write a super long email with regard to work.. and now this..
an eventful day...
perhaps an understatement.. haha.. with a mixture of excitement, honour, embarrassment, happiness and sadness..
the day started off not too well.. i was late for work as usual.. although my boss is never ever on time.. haha.. but somehow i feel bad being late.. anyway i opened my nus mail in the office and got this..
Dear Rebecca,
I refer to your appeal for review of the examination results for the above module.
Your appeal has been duly considered by the department. Upon the review, it is now confirmed that there are no errors in your results.
I therefore re-affirm the results conveyed to you earlier.
yes i requested for a review of my results.. i knew somehow that there wasn't any error.. but i was so upset with it that i had to do something.. at least i know i've tried to salvage it in anyway i could and i now know wad went wrong.. we fail.. but success is perhaps the learning from failures.. i'm hoping to learn the art of learning..
the first step i've succeeded in was not to get affected.. my work helped me a lot.. coz it was during working hours i received the news.. i have to admit that the first few minutes i was saddened.. but thereafter the excitement in work made me feel that there are greater stuff for me to do outside of school worrying abt results.. and the greater stuff is interviewing pple!!
haha.. actually i juz requested to sit in for the interview that my boss was conducting.. coz he needs to fill in 2 perm staff positions in his dept.. my boss being such a nice boss.. haha.. of course he agreed.. :) without being interviewed into this internship, i sat in and commented on the candidates in the end.. yar i noe.. i always always skip steps..
i told him he was too picky.. haha.. but he did mention to me the difficulty in employing a suitable perm staff into the positions.. and i thought that i understood wad criterias of the person he requires.. so we interviewed 2 candidates in the morning in the office.. ard half and hour each.. i din ask any questions though.. coz those pple were all at least 10 yrs my senior.. it was rather tiring.. having to listen to wad the person had to say.. at the same time looking at the transcripts.. looking at their body language.. and he wasn't very nice in the interview room.. very much different from the boss i knew coz he was quite intimidating and demanding.. in fact i told him after he rejected the first candidate right on the spot that he was quite direct abt it.. after which he did decide that he was too harsh.. hahha..
but it was a whole new experience.. it was exchanging positions to understand wad the interviewer wants.. and the little don'ts during interviews.. the little things make the difference.. overconfidence may seem like arrogance.. body language tells a lot.. and smile.. haha.. yupz.. and i feel very honoured that he values my opinion a lot.. he'll ask wad i feel and i'll tell him my comments.. ok i din pass the first 2 candidates though.. oops..
afterwhich we went out for lunch and then coffee/tea.. during which i found out that i did one of the most embarrassing things in my life.. i was gossipping with my fren abt him and whether he had a family during my first week my work.. he totally looked single.. and for abt 4-5 days i knew him he never spoke of his family.. i din dare to ask either.. but i was curious.. really.. only until a lunch meeting we had that he mentioned a daughter.. nothing more than that.. so i got even more curious.. and so when we were juz chatting as usual.. i subtly dug it out of him.. i contained my excitement.. only after i knocked off and we parted did i msg my fren..
my sms: "i dug it out of him.. he's happily married with 2 kids.. i din tell him wad we thot initally though.. haha.." (the rest of the msg is not impt) and guess wad.. i msged the wrong person!!! the second i pressed send i immediately canceled it.. i checked my sent items.. and there wasn't anything.. so i happily thought the send wasn't successful.. and it totally was off my mind.. but on sat morn he msged me sth weird.. he asked me wad was my first impression of him.. i din reply also coz i din manage to read it in time.. then the following msg he asked me not to worry was said he was juz making fun of my sms.. i genuinely thot he was just being funny trying to disturb me (not in a good way) i really din noe that he meant that sms..
until today.. i totally could feel blood rushing all the way to my face and ears.. i was so damn embarrassed and kept apologizing to him.. and i told him the truth abt my impression of him.. hmm he knew it wasn't something good.. but i think he understands that in our attempt not to be gullible we would rather suspect first then suspect later.. and guess wad.. i'm still on guard even up till now..
i was disorientated for a while.. nothing he said abt work went into my mind.. but afterwhich i realised we had to go back for a meeting where he had to do some presentation with the power point slides i did.. hahaha.. and he hadn't looked @ it when the meeting was in 1 hrs time.. i told him that i think he trusts me a lot.. luckily i din get him disappointed this time.. :)
and the funny thing is that soon after the advisor of the intitative organisation i'm involved in came for the meeting as well.. and me being respectful offered to get a cup of coffee for him.. and when i came back and he asked me how long i'll be working on this intern.. (i'll be ending on the 7th july) he asked me to go work for him as an intern after that.. hahahahaha.. it was hilarious.. and i felt flattered once again.. but i din accept nor reject it coz i thot i should let my boss noe.. after the meeting my boss asked me wad we talked abt.. and i told him he's got a rival poaching me over.. but somehow he seemed like he expected it and wasn't too supportive of it..
i told my boss that i was impressed with his presentation.. i truly was because he could bring in so many relevant examples not included in my slides.. juz @ the back of his hand.. whoa.. we then went for another interview over dinner.. i juz had the urge to tag along coz i think i'm addicted to listening to interviews and having a hand in deciding who gets employed.. oops.. haha..
@ dinner i received a call from one of my seniors.. and asked me to join in the organising committee for the internal case competition.. u noe.. the one i got so *ahem inspired.. hahaha.. how could i reject that? coz they thot it'll be better to have a junior inside such that they do not have to worry abt the succession of it in future years.. although that means that i cannot participate in that competition.. but i'll still strive for a chance in the external ones once if there were opportunities.. yes i skip the steps again.. but all the rest of them are seniors we are experienced in external case competitions.. so i guess i could ask them abt it and all.. :) and u noe wad that implies? be inspired pple.. be inspired..
and for the last interview.. i could feel that wad my boss needed was juz confirmation abt his opinion.. and he said he could feel that i passed the person too.. prob it was my subconscious body language when i'm judging pple again.. haha.. i think we were both impressed with each other's sharp judgement and sensing of judgement.. maybe i should go into HR yar.. haha.. before we parted he said that he noes how to use me the way no one else will noe.. wah.. i'm looking forward to noeing and developing it too coz i don't really noe my strengths yet..
i went to meet up with long lost frens after that.. with my jc mates i haven't met for years.. literally.. when i reached there i almost gave the rest of them a shock.. haha coz i guess i looked different.. it's my hair and my dressing la.. the dressing is not my fault.. i had work mah.. we talked most of the time.. noeing wad each other is doing and all.. it was great to catch up with frens and bring back memories of the past.. the guys went to watch world cup in the end.. but i was too dead tired by 10 plus that i had to go home to rest.. couldn't last till 11.50pm outside anymore..
overconfidence or the lack of it?
i've been rather busy with my work.. but the issue had been in my mind all week and time and again i was reminded abt it.. hence a lagged entry on the recent talk abt our school advert and a little more..
it's not like me to be politically incorrect.. and openly so.. but somehow i felt that i had to write abt it.. no criticisms from me for there are already too many.. no sacarsm from me coz they are in no way constructive.. but i have to admit my disappointment..
is it the lack of confidence/modesty of singaporeans? or is it the overconfidence on the school's side? there is often a fine line.. but there is a always a difference between being good and being better.. our school is good.. but when speak in relative terms with the world's finest, the talk abt being better becomes mockery..
i pride myself to be in the school, and try to help the school when it is within my capabilities.. i try to understand the differences looking from the perspective of an outsider.. and proposing opportunities for the students and the school during my work.. hoping to bring back some feedback as well as value addedness at the end of my internship.. (of course my boss has given me a lot of space to do wad i want)it saddens when i have to admit our weaknesses, to see how our competitors win in areas of dynamism, efficiency and proactiveness.. but there is hope when we realise wad we are lacking in and improve on them..
however, if we forsake what i believe are our strengths which i personally stand by, the depth in thinking, the humility in learning, and the modesty in showing.. then my faith in our reputation will be shakened.. i do not believe we should and can compete in the same approach as our competitors, because we are clearly lacking the leadership required for movement in that direction.. instead we should leverage on our unique strengths in which our competitors can never achieve.. and at the same time look into our weaknesses to improve on them.. for a start, we should build more friendly relationships with the corporate world proactively..
perhaps i sounded pessimistic.. but these are my first thots upon reading the news and recalling the obvious differences in my experiences working with the school and our competitors for the past one and a half weeks.. call me conservative.. but i cannot bring myself to express support..
nonetheless i cannot agree more with bjorn that this could be positive learning material.. but perhaps the most difficult part is admitting our mistake..
http://bjornlee.wordpress.com/2006/06/04/nus-business-school-commercials-visibility-vs-message/
a hectic week...
an apt description of the past 5 days.. din even have time to blog.. so here's a recount coz finally i have the weekend to break and recharge..
~internship~
***work***
i started interning since monday afternoon.. it's gonna be a 6 week long thingie.. and there really seems to be lots of plans going on for june.. my job for the start of the week was to research into this topic of family governance which there will be a forum held in collaboration with smu.. i think most people won't noe abt the topic coz it's a new idea coming up.. was supposed to write my boss a report on it by the end of the week.. but somehow i feel super inefficient to spend 5 days researching and writing a 2 page report on it.. haha.. so i sent to him yest.. and told him to find me more stuff to do.. hahaha.. so i think there's another topic now on MICE.. up and coming industry in singapore.. so a collaboration would be interesting.. =)
other than that actually i'm really given a lot of space to do wad i like.. i mean there's events planning in the company too.. which i noe plenty of us are dying to do.. haha.. i did sit in one of the meetings discussing the upcoming launch event for ybf, then i started to realise the difficulty within.. somehow i din really like the logistics involved.. hmm.. something to look forward to would be the meeting to discuss things with smu, nus and stb, together with some mention of dealing with the press.. media industry leh.. exciting! haha.. =)
***welfare***
ok.. i think i've got super good welfare for this internship.. maybe coz i got to noe my boss first before i went for this internship.. instead of it being the other way around.. and i'm certain those who have talked to me abt my work or during my work recently will totally agree with me.. can come late for work (as in he told me specifically that if i can't make it at 8.45 can come in at 9 plus..), always having tea breaks with him in between work time, which can last up to an hr and a half, no restricted time for lunch break.. coz sometimes we meet pple to have lunch outside, allowing me to leave the office as and when i like.. if i feel bored.. i mean he actually said can go shop around the area for a while juz to walk around.. haha.. and he shoos me off work even before 5.30pm.. sends me near home if it's on the way..
i esp like the humane and personal boss-subordinate relationship.. don't get me wrong.. i don't mean anything else other than the absence of a hierarchy or status difference.. he asked me to treat him like my professor.. but now i think we treat each other as frens.. and i always learn better when the relationship is not tense.. because i dare to ask questions abt things i don't understand in work or anything else.. and i am impressed with the way he can admit that he learns things from me in front of other people.. i think he understands the importance of a more personal learning environment from his own experience ba.. and i'm glad he's willing to help young people.. like me and i believe many more to come in the future..
i think many of u might think i got this coz the guy has some ulterior motive.. hmm i can't deny that he likes me as a fren.. (like being juz the opposite of dislike) and honestly thinking back, i was courageous enough to agree to meeting him or working for him in the first place.. but i thot that missing out this opportunity coz i was afraid that this guy is up to no good was a waste.. i was on guard though.. seriously.. i did think of wad to do if he made any advances.. i would prob give him a tight slap and run.. hmm i actually dunno whether i'm capable of that.. haha.. but i don't think it is necessary now.. but i'm still on guard actually..
***rivalry***
the inevitable.. and prob the highlight of the week.. my boss has ties with both smu and nus biz schools.. i got to noe him thru the bschool alumni function.. but i came to realise his frenlier ties with smu and the collaboration which he would be doing on family governance.. i started getting curious why smu and not nus.. it's natural for me to ask right.. haha.. and i came to understand why.. it is interesting to see the difference from the perspective of an employer and a person within the corporate world.. and i don't blame them.. but since i'm there and the opportunity is lying in front of nus biz school.. i decided that why not propose to the school to take it up? i mean it's really good and free PR.. seriously.. it's free advertisement!
after much discussion with my boss abt it.. and getting past all his ideas on making us jealous and putting me in a fix by having me helping smu do this forum successfully and all.. i don't really noe whether he was joking abt that actually.. but he did ask me to try contacting our vice-deans to ask them abt a possible collaboration.. which of course i did immediately.. after which it was moved to the corporate development side as always.. but still it's a start.. he still wouldn't let me do the nus one.. coz he juz wanna make me do the smu one.. sigh.. but nonetheless an opportunity for me to show that nus students are no different from smu ones.. ok maybe i'm a little stressed out abt that though.. meeting smu prof next week to talk abt the forum..
the rivalry remains.. perhaps within me.. but frenly rivalry as always.. maybe i took this up also to prove a point abt nus biz students to him.. and he admitted that i did make him eat his words with the report.. coz it's almost like an academic paper.. haha.. din think it was very much appropriate but he was impressed la.. and i'll be telling him that this is the normal quality of work that nus gives.. haha.. after which i will still be all out to impress.. =)
i have been talking abt the career services which both schools provide.. and i saw a 400 page compliation of resumes of graduates from smu given to my boss.. honestly i was impressed by their proactive approach to help their students get a career and internships.. and as my senior mentioned.. they got it right.. wad is most impt for us all is CAREER! should i or should i not say.... hmm..
***exposure***
this is the whole purpose of this intership.. i think he worries everytime he see me sitting in front of my computer terminal.. haha.. on the 3rd day he came up to me and said 'boring huh..' haha.. and was trying to reassure me that there would be more out of office meetings after this week.. sure enough today was whole day out of office meetings.. went for 3 of them.. and he loves throwing some parts of the talking to me after he's tired of talking.. frankly i got a shock when he did it the first time today.. suddenly he juz said that 'oh i'll hand over the explanation of that to my assistant..' i was totally blanked out inside.. luckily i din show too much of it.. after explaning i went to the washroom immediately.. when i came back he asked me if i was alright.. haha.. yar la i was.. but not before that.. but when he did it the second time i was prepared.. so wasn't so bad..
it's tiring.. talking to pple too much and too often.. but i guess when u have government backing.. somehow pple respect u and listen to wad u have to say.. of course there are also lots of corporate governance issues to beware of during discussions of any projects.. an interesting experience on that.. =)
