mixed feelings
was a long lost break that i took yesterday.. after a lot of dilemma about my fm 40% mid term where lots of unfairness was around.. still i'm glad that i made the correct decision.. sometimes i speak a lot about principles and doing the right thing.. but more often than not imbalances come about when u question urself about being too rigidmented and inflexible.. how long i can stay to answer to myself i dunno..finally blogger decided to cooperate with me to let me start blogging again.. after valentine's day was chinese new year! haha yea i went to dubai for the new year.. was a fantastic city really.. a Singapore look alike but everything seems to be more appealing.. the architecture was one of the main visual appreciations, the world's best seem to appear there, and the many larger scale attractions with infrastructure no less than our country's.. definitely a good place to tour.. oh and i watched dubai tennis championships!! haha how exciting.. watching tennis real life is slightly confusing coz don't have the commentary.. but it was really good coz the players are right before our eyes.. too bad roger federer wasn't there yet when i watched.. but it's ok.. i'm gg to ny to watch him! haha.. :)
cny coincided with mid sem break.. which was quite a rest for me actually.. but a shortchange for everyone else haha.. well at least when i jetlagged and had to start rushing for reports and study for tests, i had some time to catch up without worrying about going for lessons.. so i prepared for abn interview.. which was my only interview out of thousands of internship applications.. which i screwed up anyway oops.. then got my history 20% paper to worry about, got my pf project 12% to do up to standard.. and of course the scary 40% fm test to study for.. within a span of 4 days.. so anyways i survived as i did, and i'm suppose to be happy..
yet yest i was really very sian.. no idea why.. wanted to rest but couldn't get to sleep, wanted to go out shopping but i noe i got more stuff to do.. haha in the end i found the love of my life.. i watched movies!!! haha enjoyed the movies and all was really good.. i think i watched pride and prejudice for like the 5th time already.. i'm totally in love with the british english and mr darcy.. he's really very funny.. and i watched the long boycotted movie casino royale haha.. i boycotted it coz i was a pierce brosnan fan.. but ok la i think prob i'm a bond fan to a lesser extent.. the thing abt bond films are that i love the man himself, the cars, the technology.. (all of which is lesser in this show) but somehow it's juz not a show to reason about.. juz accept wadever that is going on and enjoy the stunts and impossiblities of everything.. haha..
so yes perhaps movies and tv are the loves of my life.. and i have really been neglected this desire for a very long while.. chasing after once again the piece of certificate.. and then chasing after internships which are putting all the year 2s in a very sad position now.. well for me.. i haven't gotten any offer of any sort.. people basically juz ignore my applications.. so oh well.. the last resort is to enjoy my life during the hols ba.. today i suddenly felt like i hoped i could go to new york soon.. i dunno why.. perhaps it means a lot to me.. to taste the never before detachment and learn the living.. the independence and the freedom.. without background, without familiarity.. trying out new things.. seeing new stuff.. making new frens..
feeling down because i realised the harsh realities of society.. about finding jobs.. down because i am lesser in comparison.. because i said things i hate myself for.. the shocking truths and the inability to accept.. yet the selfishness and the dilemma.. yet the counteract is the entertainment, the travelling i always enjoy, the movies and tv i always love, and the rest i really need.. went shopping for things i want today.. went to do what i wanted to yest.. feeling less bothered now.. more lighthearted.. my emotional swings have been great these days.. i think i juz need more doses of the loves of my life to keep me up all the time..
rebec inspired @ 5:23 PM
Comments: 0
