the game of chance..
it's not fun.. trust me..when fate is not in ur hands.. u can only anticipate.. and anticipation is the prolonged apprehension, agony and anxiousness.. u cannot ask why or how or who.. u can only wait..
so close yet so far.. like one fren said.. it's somewhat like a business cycle.. the ups and downs.. the highs and lows.. the excitement and depression.. have u experienced what u believe is already within grasp slipping through ur fingers, and it was something u couldn't want more.. the last chances lost, and worse of all.. it is no one's fault.. there's no one to blame, there's no reason why..
like another fren asked me.. wad is hindering u? i thought abt that.. and nothing was my answer.. i believe in the works of fate.. and i was convinced that fate asked me to let it go.. yet when it plays tricks on me again.. i'm confused.. i was prepared to start afresh.. to normalise things.. i thot i recovered.. i could put things in perspective now.. i was wrong.. in fact.. i believe it has juz gotten worse.. i lost my ability to speak or act or concentrate.. it reminded me of the first encounter..
and yet the works of fate is wad i have to thank.. to think that less than a year ago it was so different.. and yet today the situation is as such.. so close i wad i can say now.. but not close enough.. no one made the special efforts to arrange anything.. the chances juz came along.. yet no one knew how to grasp those opportunities.. and then they keep coming along.. when i finally decide to do sth, the game of chance is played.. tell me now.. how do i feel.. or wad do i do?
pray is wad my other fren told me.. she mentioned that this is the time to turn to religion.. the joke like tone i took notice.. but the words did cross my mind.. my answer: i already started praying yesterday..
but another fren pointed out a very interesting point: how do u play the game when it is not on the market or the playing field? ur task is not to win the game.. it is to make the game on the market and the playing field first.. and that is the hardest part.. yes i noe it's daunting.. actually i'm not asking for anything.. i'm juz upset with myself that i hardly noe how the game works.. and worse.. i dunno how to get myself out of the game and stop doing anything.. when will it ever be on the playing field? hmm i really really wonder..
yet before the anticlimax ending.. my fren wrote on his paper during class to represent an msn conversation..
[fren] : juz do it with him la
rebec, be inspired~ :
i did not write to continue the conversation.. because i realised instantly.. the answer was already there..
subtle hints, aplenty opportunities.. obvious to many oblivious to one.. passively.. leaving it to the game of chance.. again.. i hope no more.. and remind myself of contentment..
rebec inspired @ 12:08 PM
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