reminder: be grateful
yesterday was such a day it was the first time in my life i was wondering if all was a dream when i was awake.. and afraid all will be gone when i slept.. finally deciding that wads mine is mine and wads not is not, I coaxed myself into sleeping after a long while of tossing and turning.. I was supposed to be tired from an exciting and expensive day really..If there was a day in ur life that everything went ur way, yesterday was the day.. but it was till the extent i was worried that my luck will run out soon.. looking back at this semester, i was really showered with love and luck.. wad more could i ask? but humans are as such.. and i hate myself for being so human in that greed sets in all the time.. when u achieve something, u ask urself why u couldn't achieve better.. that's the fine line between driving urself and being too ambitious and uncontented.. no matter wad i tell myself and preach that i understand.. part of me is still striving so hard to wish for perfection.. hmmm.. now i'm really really afraid of the dangerous self expectations of the future..
till now.. i still don't believe all is true.. i'm still thinking of how i should accept things if they do not turn out as i saw it last night.. but if things really turned out that way, I can only say I owed it to all who was around me during exam period.. I was honestly very very stressed out and honestly honestly under the self impression that I did not manage to do my best.. That's wad upset me because I believed i was capable of sth more.. but my efforts were insufficient.. nothing has changed at all.. except that i was juz loved by a stroke of luck that i noe i cannot depend on.. I promised myself that i would work harder.. because this is not the state i should be in the same time of next sem.. I was seriously so afraid that I lost all my courage and confidence..
This sounds like a credit list.. haha like i won some award right.. but i always want to remind myself to be grateful to those who stood by me.. so *clap clap clap* definitely to my greatest family.. definitely to my dearest best bro who shielded me from most of the adrenaline.. definitely to the legend who never failed to inspire, encourage, and let me trust that he'll always be there for me.. definitely to a fren who accompanied me throughout the entire draining process of mugging.. and understanding wad i mean when I suppress my fustration in not achieving the almost perfection.. definitely to the very many who helped me in one way or another to achieve the focus i truly needed.. definitely to the mere acquiantances who showed concern through kind words and actions..
I hope i was able to be one of those to the many pple around me.. admist all the thanks and more thanks, i promised myself to achieve more next sem.. not in terms of grades, but more in lending a hand or ear to pple ard me who need it.. learning to be a better person.. but in the process i noe my expectations on myself have juz shot sky high.. result chase.. but i'm one step closer to my secret wish eh? ;)
rebec inspired @ 11:40 AM
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