let truth be told
perhaps the emptiness is cured.. perhaps it is juz a front for all to see.. but my efforts in keeping myself occupied has been rather successful.. now i yearn to stay home to do nothing..
went out on sat with yh and sx.. frankly i wasn't feeling very right that night.. so i suggested we do sth a little crazier than normal.. we ended up in a pub.. the balcony! a place i heard so many times abt but never really got into.. yupz and being like regulars we ordered the drinks without the menu.. haha.. but i came to realise drinking requires the right company and the right mood.. that's me and my affinity with alcohol..
i guess the atmosphere and the alcohol got us talking abt stuff we usually won't talk abt.. like a truth or dare session.. without the dare part.. haha.. the taboo subjects perhaps i would never dream of talking abt in jc.. there they were that night.. no lies, no hesistation, only truth.. i did manage to poke into some of the moral questions i never dared discuss.. with my somewhat half hypothetical questions.. but i realised my answer had always been there.. doing the right thing..
*squashed
it was an anti climax ending for my internship, but a start to the well earned break for me.. to fill that emptiness which surfaced almost immediately after the photoshoot for career services on fri, i started planning for the 2 weeks before my trip to Russia..
first was the long planned squash game with ian on mon.. which according to him we planned one and a half months ago.. wad would i become if i forgot abt that? but indeed i got squashed.. lost all 9 sets.. plus the persistant aches and pains still present now.. i couldn't even stand up like a normal person.. so u could imagine how much exercise i did before that day.. oops.. haha..
but picking up an old sport was definitely rewarding.. it was 7 years ago when i used that racquet, playing in the courts of RGS for a year.. now that racquet is obsolete.. seriously gotta invest in one more if this were to be a regular sport.. but it was really good exercise after which i felt healthier.. =)
and to prove my determination in losing weight.. haha.. i accepted the invitation to play tennis tennis on tues.. after my meeting abt case and my dental appointment trying to fill my tooth, i went limping to attempt to play tennis.. it was alright during the game.. but i guess the after effects just made everything else worse.. but tennis was fun.. and then again i felt healthier..
today i really couldn't take the aches anymore.. no plans of doing sports.. juz went out for a sinful lunch and watched pirates.. haha.. hilarious show.. no less funny than the first.. though i can't really remember the first one already.. hmm.. good thing i managed to resist the dessert temptations today.. haha..
lunch/shopping + tuition tmr, sports again on fri.. steamboat on sat, hoping to invest in my squash racquet on sun.. lunch buffet on mon.. tues wed thurs.. doesn't sound like i'll be very free.. fri.. russia!!! hope this will solve my emptiness problem.. =)
the epitome of sportsmanship
i sat in front of my television, anxious and excited over the upcoming live broadcast of the wimbledon men's singles finals.. i knew who i supported so avidly.. don't ask me how he could have commanded so much support from one who noes nothing about him other than his tennis game.. or in fact millions..
no more roddick this time.. but the story stays the same.. the display of ultimate sportsmanship, breathtaking tennis and mental strength from them both.. i never really watched a full tennis match before.. and this time made all the difference in that i started to appreciate it as a fantastic tennis match, a battle between 2 great sportsman, rather than plain rivalry.. of course i still truly wanted federer to win.. almost biting off all my fingernails.. haha.. =)
i'm glad he did after the losing to nadal 4 times this year.. it proved to himself and the rest of the world the value of being crowned the champion.. we love you federer! =) but yest changed my view on nadal as well.. and i was just reminded that he's younger than me.. unthinkable.. but totally commendable.. he's made history and he's shown the immense fighting spirit which won him the increased support of many.. i applaud them both for the impressive display of excellent tennis..
the stranger
i noe i haven't been blogging.. not so much coz there's no material.. but more like too much has been happening.. mostly revolving around work and tuition.. which the tuition is so much better paying.. haha.. still sore abt the pay i get for my intern..
yest marked the end of my 6 week internship.. in his words.. like a short read.. maybe the fact that i'm still safe and sound sitting at home means something.. but the saddest thing is my fear of trusting him beyond the current status now.. we speak of friendship.. but i do not know of friendship which lacks trust.. maybe then he should be nothing more than a stranger juz passing by in my life..
i was never afraid to show my guard against him.. i am clear in my mind wad this should and should not turn out.. i would choose to believe that he was certain too.. and from his words as a staunch Christian.. when he spoke of love and guidance.. i was almost sure.. yet i pulled back.. at the back of my mind i warned myself against being so trusting.. the fact was that he has lived and experienced 24 more years than i and my peers have.. i couldn't treat him and his thinking like he was one of our kind..
he never saw through me more than i saw through him.. not because i was better in judging people.. but because he dared to speak of his life to me.. but i restrained myself from speaking too much.. and of course i have a far more complex personality than him.. (which i haven't been able to figure out myself)yet despite my awkward age with respect to his doubling the confusion, he has taught me more than what goes on in the corporate world.. he has assured me the possiblity of my expectations..
a twist of fate, the sudden absentee of a fellow usher for the alumni homecoming event.. a door of opportunity, my allocation to ushering the corporate partners.. a stroke of luck, his initiation of conversation with me and the availability of my namecard.. a moment of courage, the picking up of my handphone dialling his number, and the fearless meetup in town.. a month and a half of extraodinary experience, no more ordinary than his..
i thank him from the bottom of my heart.. for his endless encouragement, for his valuable mentorship on the corporate world, work and life, for the unconditional help beyond internship work, and for the feeling of being valued and empowered, for the lifts i get home almost everyday, and for the deep efforts unknown to me..
yet let this be how far it can go.. maybe then i'm seen as a person of stone cold heart.. it is never like me.. but if being myself will change status quo, then let me be the stranger to my heart..
