passing phases of life
is blogging the only avenue now? i figured i'm not at all recovered.. nowhere near.. yet i just realised that.. this semester has been a time of falling in and out of depression.. of course including the many helpless passing phases of life..it's almost unbearable.. the excitment of knowing new people in a new land.. having so much fun and laughter with these people.. then realising they are just the result of convenience and proximity.. when distance puts us apart, nothing will be left.. soon.. they might become strangers even.. and so what if we believe otherwise.. if we believe that if we bother to keep in contact, everything will be different.. relationships will sustain.. friendships will remain?
geography is cruel.. because it kills off what might have been by setting people apart.. possible opportunities.. possible relationships.. possible feelings.. gone because time and space comes between them.. because one meeting which sweeps one off the ground is no basis or anything.. one sided? mutual? we probably never was able to grasp it.. how can one every survive this again and again.. investing feelings and emotions.. thinking about what could have happened.. playing out whatever could have been done within the time period.. feeling that feeling.. then losing it all.. resigning to the fact that it all happens.. that these people are just passing phases in our lives.. it is painful.. too painful for me perhaps.. i often ask if i would rather not know these people, not feel that feeling, not have those fun.. then all will be at peace....
helpless is a passive feeling.. but helpless it is.. time is the healer.. but do i want to forget in order to recover?
rebec inspired @ 3:39 PM
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