away from reality
it's really been a while since i immersed myself in the incessant watching of a particular film.. well i've been greatly obsessed with the movie pride and prejudice.. and in love with mr darcy played by matthew macfayden.. the charming and caring, yet vulnerable and shy gentleman beneath the aloof and arrogant cover.. while getting into an emotional romantic state admist the scenes of the fabulous show, there was only one complaint i have.. the lack of a more intimate and sweeter ending to it rather than just the separate individuals speaking to her father about their relationship..
well in my desparate attempt to cure my obsession which is more often than not to immerse myself in all the possible information on the net about the particular movie or person further, i chanced upon a site which mentions an alternative ending to the show.. an add on which is only shown in the US.. of course i managed to lay hand on that and there it was.. the missing piece that was so so so so beautiful.. just two minutes extra showing the two of them.. and the charming british accent with their fantastic chemistry.. and of course the sweetest words and actions a man can ever say and do to a woman in my point of view..
it din really help me out of the practical situation i was in.. but it was so good to feel that feeling.. that one can always hope to be lizzy with mr darcy's love.. and that perhaps love should be this way.. i really melt at those words he uttered to her.. i started to wonder why it was not put in the original ending of the show.. because it was so natural to me that the addition was a happy ending that would be loved by all romantics.. yet i went on to read comments about it and realised perhaps i am just another commercialised viewer..
i view this movie as a romantic drama set in the ancient times, when their costumes were classy and all the gentlemen 'actions' showed the respect for ladies in the culture.. i perhaps forgot to understand that it was a classic written almost 200 years ago about the realism of social class differences during that time through a romance story.. the additional sweet ending which seems so natural to me became something that was ridiculous to many others, who took it as a classic to be respected for it to stay that way.. the 'hollywood type' ending din fit what jane austen would have included in the book, and seemed too far off as what mr darcy would have done taken his character..
a brilliant move by the producers i would say, to test market it and realise that that scene may be loved by some by not by others.. perhaps i spent all my life watching hollywood films or something.. that the ending made it all more perfect to me.. and all these immersion has put me away from reality once again, with my mind all filled with the lovely scenes of the film.. but more importantly it has brought back memories and yearn for the movie industry.. a long lost passion? or maybe the suppressed desires all along? as i continue to think about it, i find emptiness in my life and the life i will be leading.. am i away from reality now? or instead was i always escaping the reality till the few moments ago when i awake my wishes..
filming and movies are so beautiful because they allow imagination.. they allow fantasties and fairy tales, and they make the impossible seem possible.. they are moving pictures of lives of others, of love of others, and of the joy of others.. and because of the proximity they are able to strike a cord in everyone else's hearts.. and allow every single person to believe in fairy tales and dreams that come true..
mixed feelings
was a long lost break that i took yesterday.. after a lot of dilemma about my fm 40% mid term where lots of unfairness was around.. still i'm glad that i made the correct decision.. sometimes i speak a lot about principles and doing the right thing.. but more often than not imbalances come about when u question urself about being too rigidmented and inflexible.. how long i can stay to answer to myself i dunno..
finally blogger decided to cooperate with me to let me start blogging again.. after valentine's day was chinese new year! haha yea i went to dubai for the new year.. was a fantastic city really.. a Singapore look alike but everything seems to be more appealing.. the architecture was one of the main visual appreciations, the world's best seem to appear there, and the many larger scale attractions with infrastructure no less than our country's.. definitely a good place to tour.. oh and i watched dubai tennis championships!! haha how exciting.. watching tennis real life is slightly confusing coz don't have the commentary.. but it was really good coz the players are right before our eyes.. too bad roger federer wasn't there yet when i watched.. but it's ok.. i'm gg to ny to watch him! haha.. :)
cny coincided with mid sem break.. which was quite a rest for me actually.. but a shortchange for everyone else haha.. well at least when i jetlagged and had to start rushing for reports and study for tests, i had some time to catch up without worrying about going for lessons.. so i prepared for abn interview.. which was my only interview out of thousands of internship applications.. which i screwed up anyway oops.. then got my history 20% paper to worry about, got my pf project 12% to do up to standard.. and of course the scary 40% fm test to study for.. within a span of 4 days.. so anyways i survived as i did, and i'm suppose to be happy..
yet yest i was really very sian.. no idea why.. wanted to rest but couldn't get to sleep, wanted to go out shopping but i noe i got more stuff to do.. haha in the end i found the love of my life.. i watched movies!!! haha enjoyed the movies and all was really good.. i think i watched pride and prejudice for like the 5th time already.. i'm totally in love with the british english and mr darcy.. he's really very funny.. and i watched the long boycotted movie casino royale haha.. i boycotted it coz i was a pierce brosnan fan.. but ok la i think prob i'm a bond fan to a lesser extent.. the thing abt bond films are that i love the man himself, the cars, the technology.. (all of which is lesser in this show) but somehow it's juz not a show to reason about.. juz accept wadever that is going on and enjoy the stunts and impossiblities of everything.. haha..
so yes perhaps movies and tv are the loves of my life.. and i have really been neglected this desire for a very long while.. chasing after once again the piece of certificate.. and then chasing after internships which are putting all the year 2s in a very sad position now.. well for me.. i haven't gotten any offer of any sort.. people basically juz ignore my applications.. so oh well.. the last resort is to enjoy my life during the hols ba.. today i suddenly felt like i hoped i could go to new york soon.. i dunno why.. perhaps it means a lot to me.. to taste the never before detachment and learn the living.. the independence and the freedom.. without background, without familiarity.. trying out new things.. seeing new stuff.. making new frens..
feeling down because i realised the harsh realities of society.. about finding jobs.. down because i am lesser in comparison.. because i said things i hate myself for.. the shocking truths and the inability to accept.. yet the selfishness and the dilemma.. yet the counteract is the entertainment, the travelling i always enjoy, the movies and tv i always love, and the rest i really need.. went shopping for things i want today.. went to do what i wanted to yest.. feeling less bothered now.. more lighthearted.. my emotional swings have been great these days.. i think i juz need more doses of the loves of my life to keep me up all the time..
