::Inspiration::

a week of unexpected encounters

i halted in my tracks.. my heart was beating noticingly faster for a reason i do not know.. i had a strong urge to turn back and deviate my path from his.. yet i wanted so much to move forward, even if it just meant walking past and showing my existence.. i wasn't the cool and calm me.. at least i know i wan't inside.. i totally lost my composure within..

***********tuesday**********
Thanks to unexpected low level of ink in my printer that day, I was on my way to the computer lab to print my notes.. Walking along the corridor between LT 16 and 17, it was the first time I saw him in school ever since.. clad in a brown shirt he looked different from the guy in suit.. but not unrecognisable and definitely not less admirable..

spotting him coming out of his seat from a distance, I instinctively stopped in my tracks momentarily.. my first thot was what if he knew abt this blog and its contents.. what if he knew my unbashful online declaration.. contrary to what many might think.. i do not usually write openly abt my feelings.. i might just die of embarrassment if he did know..

but i regained my cool front almost immediately.. covering half the distance looking at the ground and my wallet, I looked up in his direction only when i was nearing him.. trust me.. it was the bravest thing i could do at that point in time.. no i did not smile happily and walk up to him asking him abt life and all.. if u noe me well enough u'll noe i'm not that type.. and sometimes i really cannot forgive myself.. my next thot was whether he actually recognised me.. from the number of people he talked to that day he prob din.. and i really din want to look like an idiot smiling at him with him wondering who in the world i was.. i don't think i could have taken that..

i walked past with a faint smile but not intentionally towards him.. the worst thing was that he recognised me.. I dunno whether to be happy or not.. he smiled a smile of wad i call a smile of courtesy.. not from the heart but a smile of acquintance and acknowledgement.. then of course i smiled back.. blame it on the extreme shyness beneath the proud pretence.. but i was afraid to show too much of my emotions..

it's weird how fast i regained my capability to smile and laugh from the heart after losing it during that critical moment.. perhaps i regained too much of it.. On my way to the com lab, sitting at the computer terminal, printing my notes, on my way back, during my lecture.. i might have been smiling and laughing to myself to the extent that people would just think it were the after effects of studying too much.. haha.. my friends started asking me wad happened..

***********friday************
Under the most abnormal circumstances, I was on my way to the car to get my lap top.. walking down the stairs towards the library thinking that an unexpected encounter might just occur at that very moment.. and then I saw him again.. this time i stopped in my tracks for half a minute or so.. smiling at myself.. making sure that i was not seen this time round.. don't ask me why.. i can't explain it myself.. he was clad in white this time, bidding farewell to the same girl i saw with him on tuesday.. he walked towards the rag site.. i made sure i didn't.. i deviated my path away from his.. yet after i went to my car, i half wanted to see him walking my way once again.. it didn't happen though..

**********saturday**********
Open house 2006! an exciting day of persuading people to come into bizad and at the same time persuading myself that i made the right decision.. providing others with information while providing myself with the same information abt the new programmes launched by bizad.. it was a great experience.. and it's not everyday u get to talk to all the vice deans on a personal note..

nope i din see him that day.. but i did talk to one of the vice deans who actually went to Copenhagen with the case team.. haha.. i could only shake my head and wonder why i've got to see or hear something to do with him almost everyday in the most unexpected situations.. but i was not complaining.. haha.. it wasn't even the topic of our conversation.. more of talking abt why he didn't go to the bazaar organised by bizad club and then realising he prob was at Copenhagen during that time.. and of course i continued the conversation asking abt the competition and all.. haha..

**********sunday************
Sunday.. i din see him in person.. i would just freak out if i did coz i stayed home the whole day.. but quite interestingly he did appear on my computer screen.. hahaha.. oh wow.. i think it was most unbelievable.. it's interesting how coincidental things can get and how many different ways u can be reminded abt a person..
busy with collating all the grad photos being sent to me for the purpose of the magazine, i looked through all of them.. one of which caught my eye as it read 'case competition'.. it was a photo of one of the participants of case competition.. and guess wad.. in the background there he was! haha.. and as i was looking through more photos, i saw another photo with him inside.. this time he wasn't in the backgroud but was smiling at the camera with the whole group of people..


it's not supposed to happen this way.. he's supposed to have come and gone.. leaving nothing more than a memory to inspire.. yet time and again he appears and catches me by surprise.. i don't noe how to respond.. i don't noe what to think.. i don't noe how to feel.. and the point that he's not exactly unlinked to me coz he actually noes my bro and my senior doesn't seem to help.. hmm how would one actually respond knowing he's admired by the very person he's talking to? i wonder..

rebec inspired @ 11:52 AM Comments: 1